Brondell Swash 800 Bidet Seat

my doctor said after my wild youth that my experience on the jon was karma's rightful punishment, but thanks to the bidet 800, my time on the throne is a downright ball!  now in my life i've done laid an egg in a variety of places--some of the best, and the worst.  now after what i've been through--and trust me, there's been a lot--the bidet 800 is like a breath of fresh air.  ...and water.  kind of in a good way, like a gasping-choking-almost-gonna-pass-out-but-liking-it kind of rodeo.  if you've never had an assertive jet stream of water blast you straight up the wazoo, you are in for a treat!  every time i have house guests over, i always make them try it out.  in fact often i get in a horse stance and stare them straight in the eye to see the life changing experience take place.  worth every penny!  (not granted it's not very sanitary, but what is these days?)  that Brondell sure knows how to party!  (and how to treat a rectum)

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EDIT:

sadly, i must retract my review of this product.  after it claimed the life of one of my grandchldren, i have never used it again.  in fact sometimes i wake up during the night in a severe sweat.  the moisture in my crackular region brings back the worst memories of it.  i've fallen to using the old fashioned bottle of water and a spork (don't ask what the spork is for--it's actually kind of the origin of the term smorgesborgegugh, but that's a different story).  i fear i may eventually fall to the lowest of lows, resorting to using that barbaric toilet paper that only theives and ruffians possess.  i've been in contact with the company regarding renaming it after my deceased grandchild, the Inquisitive Norbert.

in loving memory of Norbert James Dragbottom, 2004 - 2009